


Love Me

by BeaSox



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Harry Potter - Freeform, Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Spoilers, Newt Scamander is a Dork, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, suicide threat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaSox/pseuds/BeaSox
Summary: Newt returns to New York to find that Tina has moved on. Faced with a tricky love triangle, Newt decides that the only person who should get hurt is himself.





	1. Chapter 1: Newt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic series on AO3 so please tell me if you like it! ♡♡♡  
> -Bea

**_Dear Newt,_ **

**_I'm thrilled to hear about the completion of your very first book! You even used my title, and I'm flattered. I can't wait to see you next week, things have been pretty dull without you here._ **

**_Your friend, Tina_ **

* * *

 

Newt folded up the parchment holding Tina's neat penmanship.

The letter had been the shortest one yet, but he was filled with hope and excitement at her parting words. Your friend was displayed proudly at the very bottom of the letter, and he couldn't contain a grin. She wanted to be friends. Were they friends already? He never had many friends, and he had forgotten what it felt like.

He watched the waves crash blissfully against the ferry, and allowed the calm, salty breeze to slice through his hair. Today he would see Tina. The same woman who stole his heart, holding his soul captive with each letter she sent. There hadn't been many, but he savored every limited interaction. He wanted her.

The ferry docked, and he joined into the fast paced crowds that dotted the vast city. He despised crowds, and cursed himself silently for not mentally preparing himself to dive into the sea of ill mannered New Yorkers. He reached the Goldstein apartment, standing still outside the door. He should knock. Or he could stay outside all day until he talked himself out of returning. What they didn't want to see him?

He should have simply sent the book by mail. He drew in a trembling breath, this was it. Stop being overdramatic, just knock. He did, stepping back with a racing heart that thudded in his ears mercilessly. A dozen escape plans ran through his head as he heard the door slowly unlock. _I can't do this_.

"Newt," Tina said in a steady monotone, her eyes betraying her bored expression. Her soft, almond eyes shone with a innocently pure glee of a child on Christmas morning. She eventually gave in, a warm smile brightening her features. "Welcome back."

Queenie barreled into Newt's case fifteen minutes later, screaming his name at shrill tune.

"Newt! Newt! I'm so glad that you're back!" She hugged him tightly, and he felt his body tense up. He didn't quite know how to react to the sudden affection, keeping his arms awkwardly to himself.

"It's a hug, Newt," Queenie offered, pulling back with eyes brimmed with concern.

"R-Right.." He ran his hand through his hair. _Way to embarrass yourself in front of them. You had a chance to redo your awful first impression, and you blew it._

"It feels odd to be down here again. It feels like forever ago that we met. It's still nice, though," Tina observed, changing the subject quickly. "I missed it."

Newt decided that this would be the perfect time for the suave man to slide in a casual "I missed you", but he was the exact opposite of casual or suave. Instead, he settled on the thickening silence that loomed over them.

~

Newt yawned quietly to himself, he hadn't gotten much sleep lately. Not that he usually slept much at all. He had nightmares. Other times he couldn't seem to shut his mind off for more than a split second to catch a wink of sleep. The best sleep he got was when he dreamed about Tina. Her porcelain skin and silky hair that matched...

"Newt?" Tina's voice snapped him back to reality.

"Sorry?"

"I said that I wanted to talk to you," she sat beside him on the bed, her hand only inches from coming into contact with his. His heart leaped into his throat.

"About w-what?"

"I just wanted to say that I missed you. I really did. Queenie says that I don't express my emotions to my full potential or some bull, and I suppose that I should begin with you. You mean a bunch to me, Newt," she wrung her hands anxiously, the tips of her ears a rosy pink. Newt's breath was caught by an invisble force, keeping him from responding. He had to be dreaming.

She peered at at him, her eyes pirecing into him. "I.." He should kiss her. They were alone. He liked her. He liked her a lot. He wasn't sure if she felt the same way, or if he was misreading signals. He was inexperienced and clueless in this field, and held back.

"I m-missed you as well, Tina."

She smiled the same, welcoming smile that he adored. She was beautiful. His eyes traveled to her lips, unable to resist the urge to press his lips against them. She wasn't paying attention, her focus on a stain in the carpet. Her face lit up abrupty, and her hand moved away from his.

"You should visit Jacob's bakery tomorrow morning. You know how I wrote about him getting hie memories back? It's bizarre. You have to see it for yourself."

He forced a smile, his nerves twisting his insides uncomfortably. "That sounds great."

~

There was another man with Jacob. They were laughing.

Newt felt a twinge of jealous strike him, and he wanted to slap himself for being immature. He barely knew the guy, he was bound to have friends. Not everytone was as boring as himself. The man was called Adam, and Newt felt inferior conpared to him. You could make out chiseled abs through his tight dres shirt, hs coat clearly new and freshly ironed. His hair. Oh, his hair. It lay neatly on the top of his head in delicate brown wisps. He was handsome. Model-like handsome.

It didn't take a genius to realize that this was Tina's lover. The arm touching, the affectionate looks across the table. Newt wanted to sink into a black hole and disappear. He was stupid. So pathetically stupid.

How could he truly believe that someone as gorgeous and perfect in every aspect like Tina would be interested in him? Stupid, stupid. The worst part was that Adam was smart. What else could he do? He seemed far too good to be real. He seemed to treat Tina well, was well-mannered, and had intruiging stories to share about voyages to distant islands.

Newt never cared for being the center of attention, and was relieved for all of the focus to not be on him, but he wanted to speak with Jacob more. The kind words that Jacob had bestowed upon him stuck.

His hopes to become best friends were dashed promptly by Adam, the interesting and talented man that stole Tina away from him. They all went back to the Goldstein apartment, besides Adam who had important business to tend to. Newt assumed was probably saving the world. He semed like the type. The main focus shifted to Newt, and he felt the anxiety creep into him as Jacob bombarded him with hundreds of questions all at once.

"How was London?"

"What type of food is there?"

Newt's hands were shaking at the three pairs of eyes on him. Jacob apologized upon seeing him begin to fidget. Newt hated how everyone seemed to read him like a book. He hated how anxious and how fast his heart was beating because of only three people. Pathetic. Most people grew out of their shy phase by now.

Jacob asked Newt to help him refill their wine glasses in the kitchen and he complied.

"When are you going to tell her?" Jacob prodded, pouring red wine into a shiny glass.

"T-Tell who?"

"Oh, don't play dumb everyone knows that you have the hots for Tina."

"Please d-don't put it like that...and I do have feelings for her. She already is seeing someone, I can't just blurt out my f-feelings now." "Sure you can. She likes you, too. It's pretty clear to anyone with a brain." Newt swallowed hard. Did she feel the same way? Of course not. She was already taken. That was the end of the subject. There was a muffled squeal of joy from the couch where the sisters sat, and the men turned. They were in their own world, but Tina still covered Queenie's mouth with a dainty hand, shushing her. On her hand, was an engagement ring.

~

Newt was left alone with his thoughts at night.That was never a good thing.

Nobody would care if he left the city. Nobody would even notice. He began thinking even darker thoughts, the worst part being that they weren't unfamiliar to him.

Nobody would notice if he left everything behind. If he simply stopped living. If he stopped breathing, stopped everything. He got depressive moods that clung to him every now and then, but he never felt this bad. The moods would always lead to these depressing thoughts, but he chose to ignore them.

He told himself that wanting to end your life on the daily was perfectly normal. He told himself that the itch that told him to harm himself over what had happened was normal. He wanted to make himself pay for putting himself through hell by coming back. He hated himself, and he always knew it. He couldn't believe that he had almost been confident in himself for a split second.

Never again.

He finally gave in, tossing off the blankets to retreat into his case. It was cool down there, but the calming feeling didn't relax his icy bones. His legs felt heavy as he trudged to a metal box resting on his desk. Inside, he kept equipment that he used to shave. He traced his finger over a sharp razor, popping out the shining blade. He didn't stop to overthink this time, bringing the blade down to his arm. No one would ever hurt him again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina discovers Newt at his weakest and comforts him.

Newt chugged an entire bottle of fire whiskey to numb the pain. Pain seared through the core of his body, holding it hostage. He tried to steady his shaky hand to hit a vein with the blade, but he was no longer in control of his own hand.

He searched for another option to end his pathetic existence, settling on his vast collection of alcohol (he never fancied drinking or alcoholism in general as his experiences resulted in one hell of a hangover and that was the end of it. He really loved the way the iridescent bottles looked, though). He rummaged through the different bottles, selecting the most extreme that would guarantee faster results.

He finished the bottle in three self destructive swigs. Regret pierced his skull within, and he reeled backwards in shock. He tried to collect himself slowly, his body aching and protesting in fury. The gashes on his arms began going numb and his limbs were weighing him down drastically. His mind was a grey foggy abyss, each thought sliced into amillion pieces as fast as he could think it.

He stopped midway through yet another bottle, hearing a noise. The  _clunk_ echoed painfully in his brain, and it took it a moment to register what was going on. Someone was entering his case. 

He slid his sleeve down in a blind hurry, his stomach churning at the sudden movement. His drunken mindset didn't notice that a whiskey bottle was undeniable even if the label was covered. 

"Hey, you're still awake," Tina said, strolling towards him swiftly. 

He tried to nod awkwardly, his focus glued passed her. 

"Are you okay?" She observed him, taking in his flushed face and clumsy demeanor. 

"I'm...good. I'm feeling better than ever..." He lost his footing, his leg caught on an invisible object that only he could feel. He stumbled into her outstretched arms, and she helped stablize him.

She caught a brief whiff of whiskey as he struggled to stand up straight.

"Newt, are you drunk?"

He tried to stand uo straight, but his limbs gave out, his body desperately wanting to give into the exhaustion and torment that he had put himself through. His body came into contact with hers, and he depended on her greatly for support. 

He felt her warmth against his cold bones, feeling it melting the ice that had captivated his heart for years. He recalled his mother holding him in a similar tight embrace when he had nightmares as a child. He wanted to go back to his youth. He wanted to go back to when his parents loved him. He wanted to go back to when he had someone to cry to. He closed his eyes, absentmindedly wrapping her arms softly around her neck.  _Safe._

"Okay, okay..." Tina whispered, heat enveloping her pale face as she blushed at the sudden contact. She attempted to hatch a way to defuse the situation, but her mind had gone terribly blank. 

"I was hoping that it would kill me.." He mumbled drowsily into her shoulder.

She was taken aback by the confession, but recovered promptly to rack her brain once again. "Okay, okay. You're okay." She reached up to stroke his head, running her fingers through his tassled hair.

Tina glanced around her, the air still without a soul in sight. She wanted to take him into the guest bedroom to allow him to rest properly. She tried to pull away, but he refused to let go.

"Tina...Tina...Tina...Tina...Tina..."

"I'm not going anywhere. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

She pushed open the creaky door to the small bedroom, guiding him to the twin bed. He laid down, and she tucked him in carefully. He watched her, staring with sea foam eyes masked in hidden pain that bubbled to the surface.

"Tina..." He whispered, and that was it. That was all it took. 

Tina supposed that everyone had their weaknesses, but in that area she also supposed that she was inhuman. She denied any weakness, but seeing Newt suffer was too much. She wanted to fix it. She wanted to fix him.

"Move over," she slid into the bed beside him, and he scooted to the far edge.

They stared at eachother until his eyes began sagging lazily, laced with sleep deprivation. He fought its spell, forcing himself to jolt awake to resume their mutual staring contest. 

"Sleep," Tina commanded simply, as he shifted in order to wake himself up.

He obliged, squeezing his eyes shut, willing sleep to wash over his tired body. Tina saw his expression soften as sleep finally came. His breathing was a rhythmic sound that allowed her to give into the force tugging at her eyelids as well.

~

Tina awoke to gasping and sharp movement beside her. She shot up, turning to Newt's side of the slim bed. He was panting hard, his chest heaving in effort. Perspiration glistened on his forehead, his hands trembling violently.

"Are you alright?" Tina fought the urge to hold him, to at least place her hand over his to comfort him tenderly. 

He nodded, his breathing labored and ragged. "J-Just...a...nightmare," he wheezed.

His eyed remained widened, the color drained from his terrified face. Tina bit her lip, summoning every ounce of self control in her body to hold herself back. She sighed heavily, inching closer to where he sat breaking down.

"Try to go back to sleep. I'm here." She laid back down, begging him to do the same. She thought about what Queenie had lectured her on, and decided that being blunt in this situation could only end badly. She needed to be loving and a true caring friend, but she didn't know how to deal with someone close to her who was in such immense pain.

His body didn't stop shaking as he calmed his breathing to prevent alerting her of the effect the nightmare was having on him.

"Come here, Newt," she whispered in a tone that conveyed affection and an undying concern. 

It was pitch black, but Tina knew that he was mentally questioning his morals. She moved even closer, moving up to hug him into her. Her arms were around his head, which was pressed firmly into her neck. His breathing slowed down for real, his body relaxing at her familiarity. She made him feel invulnerable and strong against the demons inside his own head.

Tina stroked his head again, the curls in his hair tickling the palm of her hand.

"Shhhh, get some rest. I'm here, Newt. I'm not going anywhere."

 


End file.
